Thank goodness this thing is almost over! It would be a miracle if I could find my head! What an overwhelming month it has been! But it’s OK!!

This post started out as an update for my podcast and has turned into something way different. Freaking Mercury Retrograde! Clearly, this is the time I am supposed to share some vulnerabilities and raw truths. I will save my original post for a different day!

Besides trying to launch this business, keep up with with social media, clean, cook, laundry, family time, camping time, lesson plans, and work – I am also starting a podcast, with no clue as to what I am doing! Which really isn’t different than anything else in my life – but that’s a different birdwalk! Cue birdwalk……

In my original post, I started talking about things I wanted to manifest. My list is extrememley long and I will save that for a different day. But….

I made my manifestation list on the 12-12-24 portal and have slowly been tackling things (seriously, there is a lot of shit on there). I started putting the date next to things I’ve accomplished but that has somehow fallen to the wayside. Everything on my list is meant to help me in some way. Whether it’s just to feel good about myself, learn something new, or vibrate on a higher level (quantum jumping). Everything on it has a purpose. Which, in the last year, is something I have struggled with. My purpose.

My husband got very sick this past summer and spent 37 days in the ICU (that bill sucked…actully it’s still sucking). 2023 was the worst and best year of my life. Just so happened to be a personal year 9 for both my husband and myself (a year of endings in numerology)! In February, we started a complete remodel of our kitchen. In April, we become foster parents. In May, my husband started getting really sick. By June, my life was crashing all around me. It continued through July, August, September, and October. By the time the holidays were arriving, things were finally starting to settle down into our new normal. Which consisted of dialysis, a shit ton of medications, lots of doctor visits, and a whole new way of life. But amidst that chaos, came a new me. A person that I had never met. A person I didn’t think I needed or even wanted. I was so freaking lost! Who in the hell was this woman? Why was she here? What was her purpose?

I did a lot of Tarot during that time and one thing that came out in my readings was that I needed to find my sovereignty. I didn’t even know what that word actually meant and I certainly had no idea how it would happen. But through this struggle, I found it. And it was uncomfortable as hell. I hated it. I hated going to the hospital before work. I hated going to the hospital after work. I hated cooking dinner to take back up to the hospital. I hated coming home exhausted. I hated not being able to show my vulnerablity in front of people. I hated being brave for other people. I hated talking to people. I hated asking the doctors hard questions. I hated being told the harder answers. I hated being strong. I really hated being strong. I hated having to ask my husband if he wanted to be resuscitated. Fuck, I hated that. I remember it so clearly. And I also remember being scared of his answer. No matter what it was, I would have to respect it. I asked him that question the day he almost died. And when he answered, the new me came to life. The worst and best day of my life.

No one will ever convince me that prayers and manifestations don’t work. He is living proof. Everytime we go to his doctor appointments, they say the same thing, “we didn’t think you would leave the hospital alive.” I manifested his health daily, maybe even hourly, as did others with their prayers, thoughts, and good vibes. And when I say others…I also mean healing spiritual others. I called to whoever would listen to me. My spirit guides. His spirit guides. Your spirit guides. My highers. My very good friend called on her healers too. Indigenous healers that rallied their thoughts, their words, and their ancestors to bring healing to both my husband and myself. She showed up the day my husband almost died. I happened to be outside the hospital when she walked up. She gave me a big hug and placed a medicine bag around my neck. The instructions were to wear it until I needed not to. After months of wearing that medicine bag and healing myself. I placed it around my husband. He still wears it.

I often consult my tarot deck when I am in need of guidance. About a year before my husband went into the hospital, I did a reading for us. A life spread. I don’t remember everything it told me but I do remember it being focused mostly around the last half of our lives. Tarot told me that my husband would become independent. Well what the hell does that mean?? Instantly I was thinking we would divorce. Fast forward to last summer, as I am driving to the hospital and realizing, as I passed a flying American flag on Independence Day, that my husband was now completely independent of alcohol. It hit me like a wave. Like, holy shit! This is what Spirit meant. The falling tower and the timing were all right there in front of me but I just didn’t see it. I wonder if Mercury was retrograde during that reading! HA!

And as I am typing this I just reconized the….I’m struggling for the right word here….coincidence?? No, I don’t believe in that word…serendipity? Ok. The serendipitous occurrence on July 2, 2023 of which my husband and I were both reborn into new people on the same day. A personal day 7 for us, which is a day of rest. That’s intense and fascinating! I’m a bit in awe right now and I will finish on that note.

My guides were here with me tonight as I write this post. I haven’t told my entire story, that might be book material (lol) but I felt compelled to share this much with all of you. As I keep learning more about my new self, I know there are many others out there going through the same thing. If you are compelled to write a comment on this post THEN DO IT. If you feel compelled to say or do anything then just fucking do it! I am not a fan of risks (Virgo shoutout!) but in the past year I have taken more than I ever thought I would (Scorpio rising shoutout!). I have stepped so far out of my comfort zone and my old self still wants to say no. So as a couple of my Aries sisters might say….fuck it. Just fuck it folks! Go shine your light!